to the show that can always end.
We left things off in a rather abrupt, but hopeful way. I had been visiting the rent-a-desk at least three times a week and finally organized my notes from the past three years. I also had begun thinking about a draft for Chapter Three, which, I’m inclined to day, made some kind of appearance around the middle of July. The draft needs a lot of work that hasn’t been done yet, but it was a start into actively working on some writing for the dissertation. The final verdict at the workshop I presented the Chapter Three half-assed draft at was that my language use is strong, but my organization was awful. It wasn’t put like that, obviously, but I know that I had not gotten down all the information I wanted yet and therefore the organization had not even been attempted. Still, the results through the end of Summer Semester 2017 weren’t terrible, they just weren’t what I had hoped for myself.
To top it off, I didn’t do anything (really, I don’t think I thought about my dissertation for weeks) during the semester break. It’s made me more eager to get into it again now, and maybe the break was good; it probably was good, I just wish I didn’t have massive guilt while taking it, since I felt like it was involuntary. But it can no longer be helped.
The 365-day mark has already passed and I was oblivious to it… probably evacuating due to Hurricane Irma or something like that, so the realization of how fast time can go by is hitting me. According to my old plan, I’m already more than 1/3 of the way through the project, and I haven’t even submitted anything to my sponsor yet!!
On the other hand, my scholarship gave me a “don’t panic” button and a “reset” button and I’ve pressed both and guess what? I can kind of say I’m back at Day 1. Do I want to? Not really. I think, despite not producing much over the past year, I’ve got a lot to work with and could produce a lot this year and stay on target to be done at least 2.5 years from now, if not in 2 years.
And I’ve got incredible resources to do it with. I have money (yay!), an office space, a wonderful sponsor, several chances to discuss my project with others, almost unlimited copies at the copy machine, and my brain-trained by years of consistent study, research, and writing. I’ve totally got this (or I’m happily delusional, don’t crush it!).
Obstacles will be dedicating my time to the project, since I am visiting several colloquiums and want to be involved in the institute’s events and my fellow students’ projects. I am also teaching a class that, while related to my topic of media studies and British culture, will require extra time and energy to prepare each week (it’s my first real self-designed content based class, what?!). Finally, for some reason, I’ve decided to try and continue working 8 hours a week at a translation firm- not for the money as much as to get away from academia and academics a few times a week. Of course, it’s the least of my priorities and will be the first thing I let go, but for now I’m going to try and balance it.
Add into my schedule family affairs, running, and getting groceries/taking care of appointments, and I’d say I’m functioning like most adults in the world? I am motivated to getting to my desk at the Uni everyday (except maybe Wednesdays) and putting in at least 4 hours a day there, so I think I can have something to show a month from now.
Wish me luck! Or not… watch me wallow in stress, words, used tea bags and clementine peels.